Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
