Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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