Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
