Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
