so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
50% drunk capacity currently
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
