Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
