ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
sarcasm needs its own font
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
