Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We are all done wearing pants today
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize