What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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