Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
