Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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