My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
