how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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