Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
