if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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