You just made me feel so damn special
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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