A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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