I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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