the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
