I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
