It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
