i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
