How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
