...so i touched it.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
