Cold hands, warm shart.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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