i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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