That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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