i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
