Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize