I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
