Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
