Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize