Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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