My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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