I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
