going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
