Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
