Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
