lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
