Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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