I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
