Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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