Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
