I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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