HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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