those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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