it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
