so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
