My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize