Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize