Since when is my name a synonym for head?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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