Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
