I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You are a genius and a whore.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
