no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize