My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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