Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
