Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
