at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
