either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize