why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
