U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
