I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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