After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize