This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
