I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
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