And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize