He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
