I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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