You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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