I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
