This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
