How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
we should paint friendship bongs
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