Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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