I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
