no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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