Will you blow on my dice?
You're so nebulous sometimes
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
