NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
