Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
