so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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