Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
