Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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