im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
