you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
