Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
