First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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