I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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