I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
